


Losing Her Illusions

by mravensblood



Category: American Gothic
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 16:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mravensblood/pseuds/mravensblood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the episode, Plague Sower.  As she recovers from her illness, Gail considers her relationship with Lucas and the illusion of free will...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Her Illusions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [insomniac_tales](https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniac_tales/gifts).



> Earlier this year, a friend introduced me to this series and I was immediately hooked. Although I've written fanfic for a number of years, this is my first American Gothic fic (though probably not the last!)
> 
> Thank you insomniac_tales for giving the opportunity to write for such an amazing fandom. I'd wanted to explore American Gothic, particularly Lucas and Gail for several months and your Yuletide request was just the push I needed! I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> And finally, thank you to my incredible beta, the Stowy Mooch who makes it all possible.

Gail stared blankly as she pushed the contents of her hospital tray around with her fork. She'd hoped that sleeping with Lucas would push him out of her mind, but it hadn't worked. If anything, she was even more preoccupied with him. While she'd been undeniably attracted to him from the start, she had been convinced that the reality would fall short of the fantasy and that one time with him would put an end to it. Instead of finding peace of mind, she found herself more distracted than ever.

Everything about their encounter should have worked against Lucas. Before they'd even started, she'd told him that it didn't mean anything. Her statement had elicited amusement but didn't seem to dampen his passion. Eagerly, he had taken Gail on the garden amid the swirling fall leaves. Sex on the hard ground in the afternoon was a far cry from a night of candlelit love making in a soft bed. However, rather than detracting from the encounter, it had given it a surreal intensity. His eyes seemed to devour her and penetrate her soul as he moved above her. She was lost almost from the moment Lucas had taken her.

Since her encounter with Lucas, things were blurry. She vaguely remembered Lucas drawing back with a worried expression after he came and he realized that she had succumbed to the plague that had swept through Trinity. Faint and dizzy, she had clung to him limply as he carried her to his car and raced to the hospital with his siren screaming. Lucas had stormed into the emergency room with his shirt half open as he demanded the Atlanta doctor see to her immediately. The fragmented memory made her smile, then scowl. If he'd taken the time to dress and had displayed his usual arrogant glee as he asserted his authority, she could have dismissed the incident. The sense of urgency to help her and the concern which laced his voice made it impossible to lightly dismiss.

Even more disturbing was last night. The mysterious plague had lifted as inexplicably as it had descended on Trinity. Gail felt a bit drained from the ordeal but otherwise fine. Dr. Peele had told her he would discharge her in a day or so if she continued to improve. Dr. Matt's sanity had returned and he had visited her to reassure her that all was normal, or at least as normal as things ever were in Trinity. As she closed her eyes to sleep, she sensed a presence in the room. Lips brushed her forehead and fingers gently caressed her cheek. Gail opened her eyes and saw she was alone in the room. There was a slight scent of cologne in the air and she knew instantly that Lucas had been there.

The visit hadn't been about manipulating her. At least not in an obvious sense. No. It had been a far more insidious and subtle act. The soft touch had been a sign of ownership. Lucas Buck's tender caress had branded her in a way that no one would ever see, but it bound her to him just as surely as any brand. It had been a gentle, but powerful reminder of his power and had made her highly aware of how much she wanted him. Gail had a hard time falling asleep, as unwanted feelings of desire mingled with fear. She had always been strong, but Lucas brought out a desire to surrender and give herself over to him, that terrified her. Then when she'd finally fallen asleep, she'd dreamed of him.

"Bastard," Gail muttered and stabbed a square of unidentifiable meat on her tray. Anxiously, she looked at the clock and then at the door with a sigh. The sooner she got out, the better chance she had of avoiding Lucas. Less than a week ago, she'd been so sure she could control her feelings and the situation. Now, she felt far less sure.

It would be easy to try and blame Lucas. Gail might not know what to call what he was, but she knew what he was. Power radiated from him. Lucas had an air of authority far beyond that of his elected office. There was an otherworldly aura about him. Every word and action was imbued with power and charm. Letting Lucas and his supernatural abilities shoulder the blame for her infatuation would make things easier to accept. However, it wouldn't make them true. His power may have attracted her but her own heart had betrayed her. She was every bit as much to blame for her inner turmoil as he was.

Lucas had mentioned the illusion of free will once. Even now she could hear his words echoing in her mind. She had known Lucas would be her downfall and yet she had gone to him willingly. Finding out he wasn't responsible for her parents deaths may have given her permission to give herself to him sooner. But Gail had few illusions she wouldn't have given in eventually even without knowing. Right or wrong, she craved him. Physically. Spiritually. With all her heart, she had wanted him almost from their first heated exchange of words.

Before coming to Trinity, she had always been sensible about men. Relationships were pleasant but never all consuming. At the end of the day she still knew where she left off and the other person began. Occasional sex was enjoyable and took the edge off. All the other men who'd been a part of her life were easy to compartmentalize. Lucas, on the other hand, was not. More and more of her day was spent thinking about him, wondering about him. Sometimes she would chide herself for how obsessive her thoughts were becoming. The line between where she stopped and Lucas began was becoming blurrier almost by the moment. And sex? If the aching sensation she felt after one encounter was any indicator, she could easily become enslaved to her desire for Lucas. She was as terrified by her feelings as she was for the man who inspired them.

Maybe if she ran away from Trinity, she could forget Lucas Buck in time. Running away would mean leaving Caleb behind, but he was well cared for. She would write him a letter and mail it before leaving town, Gail decided and struggled to get out of bed. It would hurt him, but if she took the time to say good-bye, she might run into Lucas. Walking to the small closet, she pulled it open. Inside hung the clothing she'd come to the hospital wearing. The skirt and top she'd had on when Lucas made love to her. The faint scent of cologne and sex clung to them. Emotion washed over her and Gail felt an urge to cry.

She wanted to leave. She didn't want to leave. It was so damn confusing! Would Lucas let her go or come after her? Last night she knew he had been there even though he disappeared into thin air. Was it something he projected into her mind like when he showed her about her parents? Or was it something more tangible? Being with Lucas had raised so many questions and Gail suspected they were things only he could answer. Part of her wanted desperately to run away, she felt like her very survival and sanity depended on it. But another part of her felt like she could more easily rip out her own heart than leave Lucas. Blinking back tears, Gail dressed as she tried to come to a decision.

"Going somewhere, darlin?" Lucas drawled behind her.

Straightening herself up defiantly, she said, "Yes. I've been discharged."

An amused expression flickered over his face. "That a fact. Funny, I just talked to Dr. Peele and he said hadn't told you yet and said I could deliver the good news."

"Oh." A slight blush suffused her face. She felt like a naughty school girl caught in a lie.

"Yeah, oh." he mocked softly.

"Sorry. I just thought-" Gail trailed off. "I don't know what I thought. I don't know what I'm thinking any more."

"Then don't think."

Rolling her eyes, she said, "That's great advice."

Closing the distance between them, Lucas coaxed gently, "Let go, Gail. All the fears. All the doubts. Let them go and just-" He came up to cup her chin and he traced her lips with his thumb. "Just feel."

Gail met his gaze and felt herself waver. Maybe it had been too late even before they made love. Perhaps her free will never had been anything but an illusion and this had been her destiny all along. Reason fell away as a flicker of desire began to burn in the pit of her stomach.

"Let me look after you at my house tonight."

Refusal rose to her lips and faded before she could form the words. Instead, she nodded and said, "Yes, Lucas."

"Good girl."

He smiled at her approvingly and she felt warmth course through her. Maybe there wouldn't be a happily ever after, but right now she wanted to give herself to him for as long as possible in every way possible. If she was already lost, why not lose herself in Lucas?

"Ready to go?"

"I think so."

"Anything you want for tonight?"

Her fears being pushed aside by desire, she answered, "Perhaps to explore the illusion of free will."

"I meant from the store," Lucas teased. "But if that's what you'd like, Miss Emory, I'd be more than happy to oblige."

Her eyes glassy with desire, she nodded and met his mouth in a kiss. Perhaps the urge to fight Lucas would return in time. For now, she wanted only to surrender...


End file.
